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You poor, ignorant fools cannot begin to guess how much I enjoy Saint Patrick's Day each year. While we're on the subject, I'm going to go right out on a limb and admit that the binge drinking has a lot to do with it. Yes, I am a rare breed...I am an honest Irishman. I can actually hear some of the people reading this getting mad about the stereotypical drunk Irishman in his funny Irish t-shirt drinking and singing gaelic all night long. For them, I just want to say: I may be in denial, but I've never met an alcoholic in my life.
Each year we get only one holiday where we can be the heroes. No one thinks about we Sons of the Emerald Isle on the other drinking holidays, do they? We can wear our funny Irish t-shirts, dye our hair red, and dance a jig on the top of the bar and no one would say anything to us. We pull those kind of shenanigans on New Year's Eve, and we're likely to spend the night in the slammer.
The only thing that really brings me down during Saint Patrick's Day is the division amongst the Irish people. Some of us want to party and have a great time. Others of us want to condemn and excommunicate anyone seen with a beer and a funny Irish t-shirt.
We should make this year different. The holy rollers should know by now that we're not going to stop the revelries of St. Patrick's Day while there is still Irish blood flowing free. I propose a simple solution. A meeting in the middle, as Danny Boy would have liked, is what is in order. We will, of course, continue to drink ourselves green on St. Patty's Day. The holy rollers, in turn, can sit patiently by the phone for our confessionals before they drive us home.
Now that I've settled the problem of all the Irish infighting, let us get back to the revelries. Let us say the Beer Prayer together, hold hands, and try not to spill whiskey on our funny Irish t-shirts while we steal drinks during the prayers. No one can stop the pride the Irish feel during Saint Patrick's Day. It may be a sodden, drunken festival...but it is OUR sodden, drunken festival. Erin go bragh, my friends!
Each year we get only one holiday where we can be the heroes. No one thinks about we Sons of the Emerald Isle on the other drinking holidays, do they? We can wear our funny Irish t-shirts, dye our hair red, and dance a jig on the top of the bar and no one would say anything to us. We pull those kind of shenanigans on New Year's Eve, and we're likely to spend the night in the slammer.
The only thing that really brings me down during Saint Patrick's Day is the division amongst the Irish people. Some of us want to party and have a great time. Others of us want to condemn and excommunicate anyone seen with a beer and a funny Irish t-shirt.
We should make this year different. The holy rollers should know by now that we're not going to stop the revelries of St. Patrick's Day while there is still Irish blood flowing free. I propose a simple solution. A meeting in the middle, as Danny Boy would have liked, is what is in order. We will, of course, continue to drink ourselves green on St. Patty's Day. The holy rollers, in turn, can sit patiently by the phone for our confessionals before they drive us home.
Now that I've settled the problem of all the Irish infighting, let us get back to the revelries. Let us say the Beer Prayer together, hold hands, and try not to spill whiskey on our funny Irish t-shirts while we steal drinks during the prayers. No one can stop the pride the Irish feel during Saint Patrick's Day. It may be a sodden, drunken festival...but it is OUR sodden, drunken festival. Erin go bragh, my friends!
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